What Is

I urge you to please notice when you’re happy, and explain or murmur or think at some point, “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”

– Kurt Vonnegut

***

So obsessed with the sock bun right now. A little vecro-padded hair contraption does the trick nicely. Who doesn’t love the illusion of thicker hair?

***

The other day, the conversation slowly veered towards The One Before (Me).

Part of me is dying of curiosity (I collect morsels of information about her like a squirrel collects nuts – hungrily and a little furtively), while the other wonders if I am making a big mistake (I am almost certain that this is a sleeping dogs situation).

The past is a dangerous place, after all.

But the words flowed – we all need to talk about that dangerous place some time – and I kept as quiet as possible. People talk more when you listen more; silence encourages speech to tumble.

At the end of it, I feel strangely grateful to her.

Grateful for her shortcomings and bad decisions. Not because her inadequacies make me look so much better in comparison, but that it was partly her and her choices that brought us to this point.

This point at which I feel so lucky about how things turned out exactly as they did. I have never before experienced the meaning of “blessing in disguise” as fully as I do about this.

At the end of it, I wanted to hug myself, him, us, in glee. I wanted to conspire with the universe, to make more of this happen.

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